Introduction

If you are a caregiver, you will experience changes in relationships with your loved one with Alzheimer's, family members and friends.

Changing roles 

You may find yourself taking on a new role in your relationship as your partner's memory declines. The person with Alzheimer’s disease may no longer be able to perform certain tasks, such as balancing the checkbook, doing the taxes, handling financial and legal matters and doing certain household chores. Making important decisions on your own may feel overwhelming.

To be prepared for this role reversal, it is important that you locate financial and legal documents, such as life insurance policies, property deeds and retirement accounts, soon after your loved one is diagnosed. You may need to turn to family, friends, professionals or community resources for assistance.

Intimacy

It is typical that people with Alzheimer’s disease experience changes in their sexual drive. Depression can cause a reduced interest in sex. Some caregivers report changes in sexual feelings toward their loved one as a result of providing daily caregiving tasks. A physical illness and reactions to medications can also reduce sexual desire.

Changes caused by the disease may cause the person with the disease to exhibit inappropriate behavior and an increased sexual drive. React to your partner with patience and gentleness. Give your loved one plenty of physical contact with hugs or holding hands. In many cases, he or she may simply be anxious and need reassurance through touch and gentle, loving communication.

Family and friends

You may feel socially isolated because your family and friends may have pulled back from your relationship or you have little time to spend with them. Your family and friends may hesitate to spend time with you and the person with Alzheimer’s disease because they worry about not knowing what to do or say. They may also not understand the behavior changes caused by the disease or are not able to accept that the person has the disease.

Take the initiative to contact family and friends and explain that while Alzheimer’s disease has changed your lives in some ways, you value their friendship and support. Considering inviting a few friends or family members over. Let them know in advance of any physical or emotional changes in the person with dementia. Provide them suggestions about how to communicate with the person and what activities they might be able to do together.

Resolving family conflicts

Caregiving issues can often ignite or magnify family conflicts, especially when people cope differently when faced with caregiving responsibilities.

Family members may deny what is happening or resent family members who live far away or are not helping enough. There may also be disagreement about financial and care decisions.

To minimize conflicts, try to acknowledge these feelings and work through them.

• Have a family meeting. Talking about caregiving roles and responsibilities, problems and feelings can help ease tensions. You may want help from a professional counselor or clergy.

• Recognize differences. Some family members may be hands-on caregivers, responding immediately to issues and organizing resources. Others may be more comfortable with being told to complete specific tasks.

• Share caregiving responsibilities. Make a list of tasks and include how much time, money and effort may be involved to complete them. Divide tasks according to the family member’s preferences and abilities.

• Continue to communicate. Periodic family meetings or conference calls keep the family up-to-date and involved. Discuss how things are working, reassess the needs of both the person with Alzheimer’s and the caregiver, and decide if any changes in responsibilities are needed.